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Angst in the Approach to Summer



 I am running into some roadblocks for entry into the summer.  My body weight and flexibility are restricting me both physically and emotionally from doing the activities and that leaves me feeling uneasy about the coming season.

At a recent doctor appointment, blood tests revealed increasing glucose levels, but otherwise normal levels.  All of my current aches and pains led me to believe they would be much worse.  I walked out committed to reducing my consumption of simple carbs, drinking more water, and increasing my regular workouts to build strength and flexibility.  I want to get my bike out of storage and take more rides outside.  More vegetables and fewer stops at Kwik Trip for lunch.

More concerning is my persistent "wonder" about how I am going to navigate the next few years, transitioning to retirement.  I struggle to imagine what life without compensated work might look like.  I have to ask hard questions about what gives me a sense of value and worthiness.  I can do nothing and collect a decent retirement check each month.  I can substitute teach or drive school bus and pick up money for taking trips.  I could take on that registrar job that will inevitably open in my school and fall into a comfortable routine where data could replace the faces of teachers and students.  I think I would miss the novelty of dealing with problems, too.  I can already sense that a desk or driving job would continue my physical decline.  Even with morning workouts, sitting 8 hours in an office chair leaves me stiff and weak.

I purchased a book by Eric Maisel and Lynda Monk titled "The Great Book of Journaling".  It is my hope to finally acquire a habit of daily reflection and writing.  I don't aspire to write a novel or become create blogspace with hundreds or thousands of readers.  Instead, I hope to regularly "download" recurrent thoughts in some organized way and make it possible to explore more mindfulness.

Since childhood, summer is my time of play.  I set high expectations for summer, as I know that the next school year will extract so much from me.  Refueling my imagination through camping trips, paddling on the water, and reading interesting books has done that in the past.  I shouldn't worry that the coming summer will be any less.

SRO

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I don't have the corner on this thing called living. Advice from well-meaning people is appreciated. The rest of you can just keep your traps shut.

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