Navigating the North Side of 50

Ancient and modern wisdom see eye to eye on some things, including the importance of frustration and problems without easy answers.  Productive struggle, it is called, and there is brain research to support its value.   One's practice of gratitude might be similar.  I know that I have more frequently prayed for God to rescue me from problems I created for myself.  For many years I smoldered, perceiving that there were those less deserving who seemed to luck out at nearly every opportunity, escaping Divine justice and never giving a whole lot of concern for others, for their future, for just about anything other than what the wanted right at that moment.  After all the time I spent worrying, planning, and yes, wishing, a lot of things just never worked out as well as I would have hoped. After a divorce, getting fired for incompetence, and watching my kids choose a more comfortable life with their mom time and time again, I had really built up a case for unfair tr...

  As a younger teacher, three decades ago, I watched in awe as a handful of my colleagues took their turns roasting a special group among us.  For them, it was the end of a career, but the beginning of a new adventure.  Retirement promised them more time to golf, fish, hang out with grandchildren, and travel.  Not all of those things had been denied them after students filled their classrooms from September to June, but it was the idea of waking up every morning with only the question, "What will I do with today?" on their minds. Today I watched much closer to a half dozen of my peers do the same dance.  Chuckling at stories of former students, misadventures on field trips or on an athletic field, pranks they pulled to ease the stress of long hours, overwhelming responsibilities, and frustration with ineffective principals, each seeking to secure obedience as a balm to their fragile egos.  But when I look deeper into their eyes, I don't see glee and anticip...

  They roll up in Buicks, Chevys, and the occasional Kia.  Gingerly, they ease themselves out of the car doors with a firm grip in case the arthritic hips or knees should give out at the last second.  Taking a deep breath, they walk through the gate and up the drive lined with small fluttering flags.  Birds chirp busily and laughter breaks out from a small cluster chatting under a bright green maple.  Down the block, someone starts up a lawnmower. Today is the busiest day on my street.  Living adjacent to the local Catholic cemetery, family and friends have been visiting their honored veterans buried here.  Many are veterans themselves, and may be thinking ahead to a time when they rest here.  "Will anyone remember to visit me?  Will they still show the respect and courtesy we have exercised all these years?" I think so.  Families still bring their children and share stories of foreign shores and oppressive heat, whether endured in humid...

 I am running into some roadblocks for entry into the summer.  My body weight and flexibility are restricting me both physically and emotionally from doing the activities and that leaves me feeling uneasy about the coming season. At a recent doctor appointment, blood tests revealed increasing glucose levels, but otherwise normal levels.  All of my current aches and pains led me to believe they would be much worse.  I walked out committed to reducing my consumption of simple carbs, drinking more water, and increasing my regular workouts to build strength and flexibility.  I want to get my bike out of storage and take more rides outside.  More vegetables and fewer stops at Kwik Trip for lunch. More concerning is my persistent "wonder" about how I am going to navigate the next few years, transitioning to retirement.  I struggle to imagine what life without compensated work might look like.  I have to ask hard questions about what gives me a sense of ...